When Ella came into this world I was overjoyed with excitement for this beautiful little girl, but at the same time felt a tad slighted by the uphill battle we would inevitably face.

For those that know me, you know I LOVE music and it has definitely helped to get me through some challenging times in life. From the day Ella was born I have sang her the same song every night before she goes to sleep. Initially it was something that I enjoyed and made me feel better, but now that Ella is getting older it’s become something that we both love. Every night after we read our stories and tuck all of her friends into bed she asks, “Baby song?”

She is referring to Baby Mine from Dumbo. I don’t remember watching this movie as a child (I have no memory), but I do know as an adult I love it and it’s pretty deep for a Disney film! 

I prefer this version (video unrelated) because in the word’s of JL, “that Alison sure can sing!”
The lyrics of the song really are absolutely perfect for Ella:
“If they knew sweet little you
They’d end up loving you too.”

Like me, Ella loves music too. She loves to sing and dance to almost anything. Lately she has started to sing along during our night time concerts! The first time it happened I could barely contain my laughter and continue to sing on. I mean, this isn’t a typical nursery song that 2 year olds sing along to. It is so adorable that I decided I had to get it on tape and share.

I REALLY can’t believe I am going to put my voice online, but Ella is so sweet it’s truly worth it.

Ella – always remember to “let those eyes sparkle and shine.” ♥ momma ♥

Let’s be clear – I am old and I know & can admit that, but I am terrified in growing older because that means Ella will also be older and that scares me for many reasons.

We have tried to raise Ella with a lot of encouragement and positive attitude and so far it seems to have worked. Every morning after I fix her hair I say in the most excited tone – “WOW! You are such a beautiful little girl. Mom and Dad are SO lucky to have you!” In response she either spins in a circle as if she is a twirling princess or she immediately runs to our full-length mirror where she peers at herself proudly and smiles.

A few days ago, in relation to my fears of Ella entering elementary school, a co-worker of mine said, “You are so strong & so is Ella, are you really worried?” Despite our efforts, the reality is – she is still a little girl, protected by her parents and kids can be mean.

I follow a lot of cleft related news, including a group on Facebook called Cleft Lip & Palate for Young Adults. The other day the post was:
What are the positive sides of having a cleft. What are some positive things that have come from you being born with a cleft lip and/or palate?

I was so sad to see some of the responses. Some highlights include:
“I’m not sure if anything positive has come from it for me.” – DR

“I just pretend to be strong… i’m not strong, i’m defensive and insecure.” – SR

After reading their responses I felt sad and hopeless. I would like to believe that with a strong influence from their parents these girls would have had more confidence & could see the positive side of things- but, in life there is never a guarantee and maybe this has nothing to do with their parents.

I never realized how biased parents can be until a small child shares their uncensored truth. In my mind, Ella’s lip and nose appear to be perfect – how could anyone detect something that was once a major defect? However there have been numerous times that small children will say, “What’s wrong with her lip? Why does her lip pull up like that?” I appreciate their honesty & in reality, her nose is smashed and stretched, her lip pulls up and the extra flap of skin on her lip hides her imperfect teeth.

As we struggle with speech development and many more surgeries, the reality of teasing becomes all to real. I can only pray that we are able to raise a strong & confident woman.

Parenting is a lot pressure.

I have heard that question a lot lately, in regards to my blog and the fact that I haven’t wrote anything since November 2010 – yes, I realize it’s 2011. I know I always say that I hate blogging, but I want you to know I have put a lot of thought into why it bothers me so much. Let me share a few reasons:
1. A blog is supposed to be a place where you can be open and honest and express your true thoughts and feelings.
Ahh, if it were only that easy. Trust me there are days that I wan’t to be brutally honest and say, “If you don’t like it, don’t read it” but the headache of dealing with those truths just isn’t worth it. So in the end, most of the time I overanalyze and edit based on what I think other people want to read vs. my real thoughts.
2. Due to the above, my blog is no longer witty and clever but has become nothing more than a journal – which was not my goal.

So – that all being said, I have decided to (DRUMROLL)….continue to blog! Ta da.
Despite the facts mentioned above – the most important thing to me is Ella and I started this blog so I can remember what a great kid I have and document all of the things she is doing. If that means I am just journaling, oh well – at least I will be able to look back to this point in her life and remember that she:

• loves to “backpack” ride
• chews gum like it’s going out of style
• asks for snacks and apple juice the second she wakes up
• follows suit with “Grandpa Bob” and cheers for the Packers every chance she gets. Go Pack Go!
• is growing up faster than I could have ever imagined