Sh*t My Kid Says

It seems like every single day I have at least one story about Ella that is worth sharing. Everyone always asks if I am writing them down to share with her later on. I do my best to document them all – like this one, but sometimes writing an entire blog post is too much work.

I’m sure you have all heard of the guy who started the Twitter handle @shitmydadsays – where he tweets all the hilarious things his dad says- like one of my faves, “Any idiot can get lucky once. Takes a special idiot to get lucky twice.”  His success (3,057,875 followers) led me to claiming @shitmykids says, but that was taken obviously. I thought @shitmymonstersays was more fitting, but that was too long. So I settled on @monstersqotd (quote of the day). I haven’t done much with it yet, but yesterdays story has once again inspired me to keep better track of all the crazy things that the little monster comes up with.

As I have mentioned, we have been having some behavior issues with Ella lately – including peeing her pants after being successfully potty trained for about a year. I have tried a lot of different parenting tactics (bribing) in hopes of getting it to stop, but so far haven’t had a ton of luck. Everyday when I pick her up from daycare I ask whether or not she had any accidents. If she can make it through the day she gets a treat on the car ride home and a sticker for her reward chart. She was doing great and had stickers marking each day since Sunday.

When I picked her up yesterday and asked the daily question, she hesitated to answer. I felt her bottom and it was damp, but it’s always hard to tell if it’s pee because they play with water a lot and she has brought home one pair of dirty undies per day due to filling them with wet sand in the sandbox. As disgusting as it may be, the only way to really know is to smell them. (Yep, the life of a mom is pretty darn glamorous!) I asked her again if she had gone potty in her pants and she said, “No.” I double checked with her teacher and she confirmed that she hadn’t had any problems that day.

Great, right? Wrong. As I went to put her into the carseat her undies were soaked. Not only had she peed her pants, but now she was lying about it too! She didn’t get the treat that I had brought for her and I told her that until she told me the truth of what happened in her undies I wasn’t going to talk to her. She hates when I don’t give her 100% of my attention so I thought I would be able to get her to tell me the truth by withholding conversation.

Wrong again. It did bother her that I was not talking to her but she held out almost two hours of the night not talking to either Joe or myself. Then she wanted to go outside so I told her until she could explain what happened in her undies, she had to stay inside. As much as she loves talking and my friendship – she loves being outside more, so she caved!

I asked once again, “Tell me what happened to your undies. Why were they all wet?” She put her hands up in the air, looked me straight in the eyes and said – “I don’t know, maybe I pissed them….”

I was shocked and replied, “Excuse me? What did you say? Where did you learn that? That is a naughty word and we do not say that!” She responded, “I don’t know. Sometimes you say that!”

I had to hold back my laughter and while extremely frustrating, she was right. Apparently my promise to not swear isn’t going so well.

Hey, did I mention she and Joe started a band….named by her? Check out a sneak peek of Shock & Wally: